


Lose Your Heart To A Void You Love

by LookitThatDude



Category: Homestuck, MSPaintAdventures
Genre: Abuse, Dirk is trans, M/M, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Violence, domestic abuse, when you see these are dependant on what chapters are posted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 22:17:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookitThatDude/pseuds/LookitThatDude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The punches started only when he was drunk. But he was progressively more and more sober when he hit you as time went on. You don't think you can take this anymore.</p><p>DISCONTINUED</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *work notes* I do not condone sexual or domestic abuse in any way shape or form. It is something written simply for the sake of being written. Please do not replicate any major actions demonstrated in this fic. If you feel someone is acting wrongly towards you please seek help. Be safe. Enjoy.

It’s been a couple months since you were last able to go see your friend in person. He was always busy for some reason. Date with the boyfriend this, cleaning the house that, and then work on top of all other things. You don’t think you can really bare much longer without seeing him.

Your biggest problem, though, is that he’s been staying at his boyfriend’s house for some time now. Every night, it seems. And you don’t know where his boyfriend’s house is anyway, so that adds to the fact that you really can’t go out and see him.

You two talk on skype for minutes at a time before he’s busy again, and even then, he never turns on his camera. It’s like he’s become some sort of robot. The time you two get to talk as well, it’s growing shorter and shorter. You’re catching some sort of trend. You don’t know what it is, but you’re sure it’s there.

Your name is Jake English. And you are very worried for your good friend Dirk Strider.

 

\--Seven months Earlier--

 

Your name is Dirk Strider and you are officially over your last relationship which ended exactly five minutes ago. She was just...Well she had a vagina. You thought you were straight. You really really did. Though after sex a couple days ago you now know that vagina isn’t your thing. You also found out that you’d much prefer to be the submissive when it comes to those sort of things. There’s a lot of things you can find out about yourself when you have sex with a girl for the first time. These things just happen to be part of your experience.

You’re already scanning dating websites to find someone to at least talk to. Your friend Jake’s offline, probably adventuring somewhere in his little island of his. There was also a timezone problem that you two had which wasn’t very enjoyable either.

Soon, someone’s asking you to chat. A man named  Horuss. He looked nice enough, so you decide to give him a shot.

 

HORUSS: Hello, how are you today?

 

Proper grammar. Huge turn on. Okay that’s an exaggeration but he knew how to type full words at least.

 

YOU: I’m doing well, what about you?

HORUSS: I’m doing exquisitely, thank you. I see in your Bio you like to build robots?

YOU: I indeed do, I make them for my friends too.

 

So far, this conversation seems to be going smoothly. No creepiness in the way he types, and he’s very polite about it.

 

HORUSS: I enjoy bot building as well. I do also have my fair share in a passion for horses. I enjoy observing them run, how their maines flow behind them as the fight against the wind they’re creating for themselves.

YOU: Horses are pretty sweet. But you know what’s better? Ponies. They’re like little horses and there’s a whole cartoon about them learning about friendship and shit.

HORUSS: Yes, I am aware of the cartoon My Little Pony. It is quite enjoyable to watch. Though some tend to defile the original purpose of the show.

 

You two continue talking about your different interests. And it’s almost as if this guy was practically made for you! Before you know it it’s midnight and you’re still talking to this guy. He’s so nice. Looking at his profile page, he’s also into guys. Good to know if in any case you get up the guts to ask this guy out. He’s just perfect in every way. Well, almost. You have a couple differences but you could totally look past those if need be.

 

\--One Month Later--

 

Your name is Dirk Strider and you are happy to say that you have officially asked the one and only Horuss Zahhak out on a date. After a month of talking to each other and getting to know each other, you found this man was pretty safe. You being eighteen, him being 23, there wasn’t that big a gap you thought. He was a kind and attractive man, and you were going on a date tomorrow.

Talking face to face was very important in establishing a relationship, you know. You can’t talk behind a screen forever, skype conversations were better than instant messaging, but not as good as going out and being just a foot away from each other. You could determine the different actions you both would make around each other because you would be moving with each other, and that was key to finding a good mate.

You prepare everything for tomorrow morning. You make sure your hair gel is where it’s supposed to be, and you pick out your clothes ahead of time. You don’t know why, but you’re really really excited for your date tomorrow. And it’s not going to be one of those stupid dinner dates. No, you were gonna try to find fun stuff to do around town. Hell yeah.

Now, you don’t want to be too flashy, so you pick a simple t-shirt and some skinny jeans, completed with your black all-stars. No way were you going out barefoot on a date, bro. that shit’s just not happening.

You also take effort in picking the best smelling deodorant. Some were too strong, others not strong enough. Some were too musky, and others very girly. Though, you want some of your girliness to show through, you enjoy wearing dresses on occasion, but to protect yourself from embarrassment you only wear them around your own apartment.

You decide you’re going to wear a scentless deodorant with a cotton candy body spray that you’ll mist very lightly over yourself. Yeah, that should get him going. He did say he liked more feminine aspects displayed on males. You didn’t really question it, because you like to dress up girly sometimes, because it felt nice.

You have everything ready for tonight, and you say your goodnight to Horuss before flopping onto your bed and under the covers with a bright tight smile on your face. This was going to be great. You knew it.

 

\--

 

Upon waking up, it takes you a couple minutes to realize what today was. It was your motherfucking date that’s what today was. Hell to the yeah. You jump out of bed to go take your shower. The warm water soothes your body, there was so much tension from excitement. You were going to see this man. In real life. You had to meet him in an hour, and you spend fifteen minutes in that shower. Forty five minutes.

You dry your hair which takes five minutes before you put on your clothes which takes a couple minutes, actually. This was because of just one little detail that nobody really knew about you.

You’re a trans man.

So you hassle to get your binder on, almost getting stuck in it again, and then put on your shirt. Then you realize that the black is going to show through the white of the t-shirt. Lucky for you the binder is in tank-top form, so you could just say you wear a tank top underneath everything in case it gets hot if Horuss questions it at all.

Next, you put on your boxer-briefs. They’re easier to pack with considering you can’t afford to get actual packing underwear, or an actual packer. You just kind of stuff a sock down your pants and adjust it until it vaguely resembles a penis, which is what you’re doing in the mirror, right now.

Then you throw on your skinny jeans. It’s a little bit of a bad idea to wear these considering the only skinny jeans that fit you properly are girl’s skinny jeans. The reason it’s a bad idea is because of how they show off the curves in your legs. Though the ones you picked out are actually a bit loose on you, so you’re pretty sure you’ll be fine in terms of passing.

With your clothes on, you now have fifteen minutes before you step out the door to hopefully find Horuss with his car in the parking lot of your apartment building. You start doing the rest very very quickly.

You grab your foundation and even out your skin tone, then grab some concealer to cover up any dark spots or impurities. You leave the freckles, though. You like your freckles. You then grab neutral-toned eyeshadows and start contouring your face to look more masculine than what it looks right now.

You spike your hair in all different directions with your hair gel, and you’re pretty much ready to go! Though, there’s...One problem.

Your voice.

For your voice there was this really good modulator that lowered your voice without making it sound incredibly stupid, which was a plus on the creator’s part, you’d say. You’ve been working on talking in your chest voice instead of your head voice, but to you your chest voice sounds pretty stupid, though you’ve gotten better at talking in it and it all feels natural to do it now. Who cares if it sounds stupid!?

Your height wasn’t too much of a problem. You could pass as simply just a short-ish guy, being 5’10” had it’s advantages.

And now, it’s time. You take a couple deep breaths, slip on your all-stars, and head outside to the parking lot, looking for Horuss and his silver mercury.

You have trouble finding him, and then you do. For some reason he’s backing out of the guest space, what? It’s been two minutes!

You run over to him to try to catch him before he left, luckily, you do, and luckily, he lets you in the car.

“You’re two minutes late.” he says, you can hear a little disappointment in his voice.

“Sorry, getting ready took a little longer than expected.” you say, making sure to talk in the low voice. The way Horuss raises his eyebrow makes you a little concerned that you’re not passing properly.

“What happened to your voice? It’s not the usual tenor that I know from you on Skype.” and it’s not. It’s a poor excuse for one is what it is.

“I’ve, uh, got a cold. You know how they affect people’s voices differently.” you smile softly, “I don’t have a fever, so it’s not contagious.” you assure him. You don’t have a fever because you don’t even have a cold. Real smooth, Dirk. Real smooth.

“Aaanyway...We’re going to the amusement park across town. I hope you like roller coasters!” he sounds happy, thank god.

You’re pretty stoked too, you have this massive smile on your face that makes your cheeks very round, but you don’t care. “Man I fucking love roller-coasters!” you yell, balling your hands into excited fists.

“Alright, off we go, then.” he says, and you two talk for the entire ride there. Nothing seemed to be wrong at all.

Everything was absolutely perfect!

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

You and Horuss get to the amusement park, and when you two are up to pay for tickets, you start to pull out your wallet before he stops you. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll pay for you.” he says with a soft smile. You insist that you pay for yourself, but sooner than you two can start an argument, he’s paid for your day long wristbands.

‘We’re in’, you think in your head with some sort of stupid hacker voice. Probably resemblant of Roxy’s voice, except less drunk.

You feel Horuss shyly grab for your hand as you walk into the park to get a look at some of the rides. Some of them, you didn’t want to go on that much. They looked pretty fucking intimidating and hell no you’re not dealing with that shit. You hold Horuss’ hand, which makes his grip more confident in holding yours. You smile, and look at the spinning swing set that virtually every amusement park has.

“Can we go on that one first? You know, to start small?” you had the slightest fear of heights, but this one didn’t go all that high anyway so you’d be fine. He nods his head and you two get in line for the ride.

“Thank you for letting me take you here. I don’t get to come here often.” you kind of expected that seeing as nobody wants to go to an amusement park alone. It ruins the fun! You can’t scream next to your best friend or your date mate, so what was the point?

The line was fairly small, and you’re on the ride in no time. There was literally only one two person seat left, and you two get to it before the other couple following behind you get to it. Score. Even if you didn’t get it, you would get some close-hanging swings. It removed the hassle of finding each other after the ride.

Soon, the ride starts, and there’s extremely loud music blaring. You can see Horuss seems to be getting a headache from it. You would admit, the music was pretty fucking shitty. You could do better than this shit?

“Are you alright there?” you ask. You put an arm across his shoulders, and touch his chest in a comforting way with the other. It wouldn’t really help any headache he might have, but it might help distract him from it? You don’t know. You could try.

“Yeah...Yeah I’m fine. It’s just the music.” he says, and you let go of him once the ride starts spinning.

The thing was going awfully fast for your taste, and you were getting a little dizzy from it. Hopefully it was just a one minute ride and everything would be fine after that. Though even now you’re starting to feel a little nauseous.

Getting off the ride, you’re a little wobbly, and you’re holding onto your stomach. Okay, you lied when you said you loved roller coasters before. You actually fucking hate them and hope you don’t have to go on one.

Maybe it was just the fact that you didn’t know how to focus your eyes in order to prevent motion sickness. Though before you can even think about anything like that, Horuss is pulling you by the hand off the base of the ride out into the walkway. Oh right, that was something you needed to do.

You nausea’s pretty much gone by the time Horuss brings you to this really fast spinny ride. Also with music, but it actually sounds kind of good. Dubstep was always a good choice. He pulls you in line to get on.

“Uh, Horuss, I don’t really want to go on this ride.” your voice squeaks a little.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fun! If you get scared, I’ll hold your hand.” and he smiles. You really can’t say no to him when he smiles like that, and you decide to brave through the nausea to go on the ride.

Yeah, you were Dirk Strider, total fucking badass. But some things you just couldn’t deal with. Like really fast rides. They made you dizzy, and quite nauseous. Though for Horuss, you’d deal. You dealt with the other ride, didn’t you?

Hell yeah you did.

Soon you’re on the ride, and they’re telling you that couple with size differences have to be sat in a certain way else they risk injury from the force being pushed onto them.

So you two sit down, and the ride starts. Very slow at first, and then it speeds up, and speeds up, and speeds up. And soon you’re screaming with delight. You’re holding onto Horuss, but you’re laughing and smiling, and you think a bug just got stuck in your teeth. He was right, this wasn’t so bad after all. Just close your eyes, listen to the music, and feel the wind around you.

But soon it’s over, and you two have to get off. Bummer, too.

“Can we go again?” you ask. That was really fun.

“Maybe after we go on a couple more rides.” he replies, and you nod your head. There were some others that looked fun, albeit scary as well.

You walk up to the carousel. You should’ve started here to start small. Oh well. The line for this one if much longer than the line was for the other two lines. Most likely because the carousel is one of the most popular rides at an amusement park. Aside from the ferris wheel, that is.

Though it was mostly at the end of the day that everyone rode it, because everyone wanted to ride the ferris wheel at sunset to end their day at the amusement park. Something about romance or some bullshit like that. What even was romance, you didn’t understand.

You barely even look at him and you two are in line for the carousel, just waiting to mount one of those glorious plastic horses. Man were they majestic.

You and Horuss mount your horses side-by-side. You’re on a majestic white stallion while he was on a dark horse of the evil knight that lives in the shadows.

Or at least that’s how you thought about things, and as your horse started going up and down as the carousel spun, you smiled a big smile. Man were you lucky to have found Horuss online. Or, he found you. But you’re the one who made the decision not to ignore him when he said hello! So you were still lucky in your decisions and with who messaged you.

You assume it was a win-win as well, seeing as he seemed to be having the time of his life with you, aside from a couple headaches that seemed to be frustrating him from time to time. Sometimes it just looked like he was simply thinking too hard about things, though. He couldn’t be thinking about important stuff, though, you two were on a motherfucking date!

You two go on the carousel twice in a row, because, well, horses man. Then you go onto the next ride, which...Looked pretty intimidating. You get shot up a pole, and then it starts swaying as you go up and down, and you can’t help but think it might break or something while you’re on it, considering your luck at least.

Horuss forces you on it anyway. And it’s scary as fuck. It’s higher than what you would like, and the swaying just makes you freak the fuck out. You feel as if you’re crushing Horuss’ hand with how tightly you’re holding it. You’d hate to hurt him.

And the day continues on, with more and more different rides that he forces you onto, until you get to the second to last one. Which looked scary as fuck. Everyone who was on it was screaming, so you know it’s going to be fucking scary.

It’s called the zipper, and basically what it is, is you’re locked in a cage with someone else. They don’t allow singles. The cage is loosely locked and you just have a chest harness over you while you sit in the cage connected to a belt that held many other cages. As you go up, you start to flip forwards, backwards, wherever, until the guy decides you’ve had enough and stops it on you so you can get out and fucking barf.

It was basically a ferris wheel of death is what it was.

You  beg Horuss not to force you one. “Come on, we can go on the ferris wheel and go to your place, I really don’t want to go on.”

“But Dirk, I don’t wanna be locked in a cage with some stranger! they don’t allow singles, and I really want to ride it with you. If you feel scared, you can hold my hand.” the same thing he’s been saying all day. With the same smile. And as always, you fall for it, because you can’t help but feel that he sounds like he’d be a kicked puppy if you didn’t. So you get in line for it.

You are extremely hesitant on going into the ride. But eventually Horuss pulls you in, and you’re strapped in. Deep breaths. Don’t worry, you’ll be okay. You are not going to be okay. There is reason to worry.

Soon you’re flipping around on that death trap of an amusement park ride, and are gripping the harness for dear fucking life. You tried to grab for Horuss’ hand, but the minute you do, he’s grabbing onto his harness. Though he seems to be having the time of his life. You feel like you’re going to barf.

Luckily, it’s over soon, and you get off. You feel so sick to your stomach it’s not even funny. Though, even with the motion sickness and fright, you don’t barf. Mostly because you...Can’t? Your stomach is very strong. The last time you barfed was when you were like six or something. You’re eighteen now.

Meanwhile, as you try to rejuvenate yourself, Horuss is wobbling around, obviously dizzy, but smiling. Now you’re wondering what the fuck is wrong with him? But in a fun way, like how the fuck could he get on that ride and be smiling by the time he gets off. That shit was scary, man.

Just as you’re about recomposed, he drags you to the actual ferris wheel that doesn’t sound like it’s going to kill you with any cages rattling. This was the nice slow one that didn’t flip over while you’re locked in a cage, good. Good.

You’re in the long long line of people wanting to go on the ferris wheel, so, naturally, you decide to try and spark up some conversation. Maybe ask why he forced you onto that ride.

“So, uh. Thank you for bringing me here.” you say first. Looking in the reflection of some piece of shiny metal on the ride, you see your hair’s a complete and total mess, so you try to smooth it down a little, and reform the spikes. God that was useless.

“Not a problem.” he says, and he has a dorky smile on. As if today was a really good day for him, and you hope it was! Because you had fun too!

“Though, can I ask why you forced me onto that ride?” you ask a little shyly. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, man that’s the last thing you want to do.

“Well, I paid for your ticket, so you kind of had to anyway. But there were no singles allowed. And as of now…” he rubs his face gently into your hair, “I want to know if I’m still going to be single?”

“Wait, wait. You mean...Like...Like are you asking me out?” aw shit not another one of those relationship dealies.

“That’s exactly what I mean. So, what do you say?” he smiles at you, and you look down, thinking.

Soon, you pop your head back up. “I’d love to.” you didn’t have to ask this time. Holy shit. This was  awesome.

He’s smiling big and wide now, even as you get on the ferris wheel.

The ride starts turning, and you’re going up, up, up. And it’s slow, and relaxing. Though, when you look down, you get a tingling feeling in your toes, and your stomach drops. Okay, this was a little high. Okay scratch that. Really high. Note to self: Don’t look over the edge down at the ground. That shit’s fucking scary man.

You get halfway to the top, and it stops. Three quarters. It stops. Then you’re at the top, and you’re there for longer than before. Or so it seems, really.

Horuss starts swaying his feet back and forth, and starts actually rocking the seat. He has this scary smile on his face, and the creaking of the seat doesn’t make you feel too easy.

“Horuss, please stop right now please!” You hold onto the seat for dear life even though if in the case it does fall that wouldn’t do anything.

“Why should I? This is fun!” he shouts, and continues to rock the chair, at this point you’re internally screaming.

“You’re scaring me half to death, please stop!”

Creak...creak…

“Nothing is going to happen, don’t worry. Gosh, you pussy!” okay, that kind of hurt.

Lucky for you the ride starts moving again, and a couple seconds after it starts moving, he stops rocking the seat, and you take some deep breaths.

You’re at the bottom.

You survived.

Everything is going to be okay!

When you get off, he pulls you to the side to talk.

“So, you wanna go to my place? Have a few drinks? You can spend the night if you want.”

“Oh, I can’t drink yet, sorry.” you say a little shyly. You’re eighteen.

“It’s my house. It’s not like you need an I.D. to get into my house unless there’s some card that says “Horuss’ boyfriend” on it.” he chuckled.

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, it’ll be fun! If you start feeling sick I’ll sit with you.”

“Ugh, fine. I’ll take it like a man. You’ll see.” you were going to do one manly thing today and that was gonna be chug a bottle of fucking beer. Hell yeah.

He grabs you by the wrist instead of your hand, and walks you out of the park to his car. You didn’t really think about the difference in the way he held you at this time. You really just shrugged it off.

Once in the car, you mumble to yourself, “Shit, I’m going to have to tell Jake why I didn’t message him tonight.”

“What was that?” he seems to have heard you.

“Oh, I was just remembering that I’m going to have to stay up late tomorrow to talk to a friend, catch up on things. We text every day and I told him I might be able to text him tonight. But it looks like I’m not considering I’m staying at your place tonight!”

“So is that why you take so long to reply to me at night?” he taps his finger on the steering wheel a couple times before starting the car.

“Yeah, I alternate between you two. Though sometimes it takes longer to read and reply to one thing than the other things.”

“Is it possible for you...Not, to talk to this boy? What’s his name?”

“His name is Jake, and I highly doubt that, we’ve been friends for years.” what’s wrong with a little delay in your replies?

“Well...Can you not stay up late talking to him? I’m worried about your health.”

“The only time we get to talk is late night or early morning because he’s in a different timezone. Half the time I can’t say good morning to him because I’m still asleep by the time he messages me that he’s off to bed. Or, at least it would be good night for him.”

Horuss looked like he was pretty annoyed. “Well, just don’t stay up too late talking to him, I don’t want you getting sleep deprived now.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve been keeping track of time, and he reminds me when I should go to bed.” you were always pretty bad at self care in the first place. Without Jake, you’d probably be running off five hours of sleep every three days.

“Alright...Okay.” he still looks a little agitated, and you’re not quite sure why. Could he be...Oh, could he be jealous? You hope not. Yeah, you like Jake. You like him a lot. But as a friend in all honesty. It would never work out. And even then Jake doesn’t really get romance very well. And he’s still trying to find his sexuality anyway. So you wouldn’t keep your hopes up.

Soon, you’re at his place. The only part of it you’ve seen is a small portion of his room on skype, so you didn’t really know what it looked like. Now you do.

It was a fairly big house. Well, at least compared to your apartment. It had two floors and a basement, and from the living room you could see the doors to a couple different rooms down a hallway.

“Make yourself at home. Turn on the TV or something, I’ll go get us some beers.” from what you’ve heard from other people, beer was pretty disgusting until you acquired a taste for it. You don’t think you’re too prepared for that.

You flop onto the couch after finding the remote, and you turn the TV to Cartoon Network. It was a saturday, so Toonami was tonight. You really want to watch that episode of soul eater that they promised tonight.

Horuss is back soon with a half empty bottle of beer, and about five other full bottles. “Try it, this is a really good brand of beer.” he says, and hands you an unopened bottle of beer.

Luckily it’s one of those bottles you can simply twist the cap off, so you do, and you take a sniff of it. Alright. That’s absolutely disgusting. You take a sip. Yep. Just as you predicted. It tasted like how it smells. Unpleasant. Disgusting. You had no desire to drink any more of it.

But, being the manly man that you are. You were going to drink this fucking beer without complaint, and you were going to drink at least one bottle tonight. No matter how bad it tastes you were going to fucking do this.

Now, you weren’t going to chug unless he told you to, because the taste is abominable. Though, maybe chugging would make things easier? It would just go straight down your throat, it wouldn’t even touch your tongue all too much.

That’s what you do the rest of the night as you two watch cartoons. You let it slide right to the back of your throat so all you get it a nasty aftertaste instead of the stronger, immediate taste which honestly you hate more.

Horuss had gone back and forth bringing more beer as the night went on. He was on his...seventh? Bottle? Who the fuck knows. You know, though that he’s probably drunk off his ass right now. You’re just on your second bottle, not really wanting to finish it. You were halfway there, but even so. Though, the taste seemed to have gotten a little better than what it was.

While you’re enjoying your fucking spectacular japanese cartoons, Horuss starts getting uncomfortably close to you. You don’t know how you feel about it, considering he was drunk, but he was also now your boyfriend. He puts a hand on your thigh, “Hey babe, wanna go…” he pauses, either because he’s trying to think or he’s trying to make you feel anticipated “Wanna go make the bed creak?” okay, he was thinking. Good to know.

“If by that, you mean have sex. I’d rather not, you’re drunk.” you yourself were the tiniest bit drunk, so you still had your god damn common sense.

“So? What does that change anythin’? I payed for your ticket today!”

“I insisted that I pay for my own, and out of an act of generosity, you payed for me.” you try to explain. At least you hope that was the reason.

“Generosity?” he questioned, “Bullshit, I only did that because I thought it would get me laid tonight!”

“Well you would be wrong. Horuss, I’m not having sex with you tonight.”

“And I bet the next thing you’re gonna say that you’re not a pussy who can’t handle a little rough, drunken love.”

“It’s not that I can’t handle it, it’s just tha-” he cuts you off.

“If I’m not getting laid tonight, get the fuck out my house, bitch.”

“Excuse m-”

“I said **_get out_**.”

You set your beer onto the table in front of you, and stand up, politely walking away from the situation. He’s following you. For what reason, you don’t know. You just know he’s pretty irate about the fact that you don’t want to have sex with him. There was more than one reason, for sure, that you didn’t want to have sex with him just yet. But the reason you gave was most prominent.

You’re in the doorway, and pause for a second to say goodbye, but before you can even get a word out, he’s kicked you in the back, sending you forward, causing you to stumble out of the house. You can hear the door closing shut behind you, and how the knob rattles for a second signifying that he has indeed locked it. You guess you have to walk home now.

You don’t really know the directions, and start to wander aimlessly through the town until you find a street that you’re familiar with. Once you do that, you make your way home, and crash onto your bed.

Why was he so mad? Maybe he’ll understand when he’s no longer under the influence. Though right now, you’re drained, and tired and you close your eyes, and go to sleep.

But not before you jerk up, remembering you should message Jake real quick so that he’ll know why you were gone all day. Then you get to bed and go to sleep. Too tired to even think properly right now.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

You wake up to your computer constantly dinging with alerts that you’re getting messages at what seemed like light speed, almost. You groan, getting up, checking your computer for whoever the fuck was messaging you at seven in the morning.

 

HORUSS: Hello? I’m sorry about last night.

HORUSS: I didn’t mean to kick you out, I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing.

HORUSS: Please forgive me.

HORUSS: Are you still my boyfriend?

HORUSS: Should I build you a robot?

HORUSS: Come on, please answer.

 

Wow, he sounds desperate, and he really wants your forgiveness. Though you’re still really angry at him. He yelled at you, and locked you out of his house because you refused to have sex with him. And with no other words either. He was harsh, even if he was drunk.

 

YOU: Hey, I’m up.

YOU: And I know you were drunk, that’s why I refused to have sex with you.

YOU: You were harsh, and you made me walk home even though I didn’t know the directions. You knew I didn’t know the directions. You acted wrongly and I am upset.

HORUSS: Now come on, babe. I was drunk. I don’t think straight, alright? I don’t really remember what happened and if all that really did happen I’m sorry.

HORUSS: I promise I won’t do it again.

YOU: You promise?

HORUSS: I swear on my heart.  
YOU: Alright, I’m going to forgive you.

 

For now, though you don’t say that last part. You just think it in your head. You had something to use against him if he were to do it again. This here promise. You could use it against him and break up with him and he wouldn’t be able to say a word. Okay maybe he would be able to say a word but there wouldn’t be any that would get you to change your mind on the subject.

You two continue to converse through instant messaging until he asks if now’s a good time to call you. Without really thinking, you say yes, you’re good to talk right that second. That exact moment. And he calls, you answer, and your camera turns on.

Then you remember you hadn’t changed into at least a shirt, let alone put on your binder. So your bare shoulders are exposed, letting him see your collar bone, but luckily that was about it.

“Oh? You sleep shirtless I see.” you can see him smirk in his camera, and he waggles his eyebrows in a joking manner. “Do you have abs or what? You say you like to sword fight so I’d assume you’re pretty fit.”

“I have abs, yeah.” you say a little nervously. Your voice modulator is indeed on, but that voice crack that just went through would clearly be noticeable. For sure.

“Prove it, I wanna see.” he says, and he’s got this smug little grin on his face that’s telling you he doesn’t think you really have abs with how tall and adorable you look. Oh you’re gonna prove it to him.

Once you put on a shirt. “Once i get a shirt, I’m not too fond of showing my chest to people.” you bite your lip gently, hopefully you could get up and get a shirt without revealing anything too serious. Like the fact that you had C-cup boobs. Yeah you can tooootally hide those.

“What? Do you have moobs or something? Someone with abs shouldn’t have man boobs.” he chuckled. Wow. Rude.

“Alright, fine.” you stand up, and your breasts are fully clear to him. As well as your abs. You instantly regret that decision, and you sit right the fuck back down. Oh god. Oh shit. This was bad. This was really really bad.

“Wait wait wait...You’re a guy...Right?”

“Yeah…”

“And you have boobs?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have a vagina?”

“To my most misfortune, yes.”

“...So you’re actually a girl?”

“NO!” you yell. How hard was this to understand? Although luckily you passed enough for him to think you were a boy all this time. Out of anger and the need to educate this poor man, you turn off your voice modulator.

“I’m trans.” you speak in a normal voice. “Born female, now male. Pre-T, Pre-Op. Meaning I look like a girl, and I still have boobs. The only reason I haven’t gotten testosterone or an operation is because I can’t afford those things for the life of me.” you’re shaking. You can see you’re shaking. You’re shaking from anxiety that he’s going to break up with you like you almost did him. Like you did your girlfriend for being a girl. He was totally going to break up with you because you had a vagina. This was the end. This was the end of Dirk Strider, everybody.

Though, what he says next genuinely surprises you. “Alright. I understand.”

“That’s it? No freaking out that I’m a guy with a vagina? No...Yelling at me and calling me a he-she? No ‘tranny’ comments?” though you know you really shouldn’t expect that from everyone. It’s just that most men you meet online would be like that. You would have said white men, but Horuss isn’t exactly white. He’s Indian.

“Nope. Dirk, I love you. Nothing can change that.” he smiles. The smile was...Almost, a creepy smile. Any bigger and it would have been. You disregard the strangeness of the smile, and smile back.

“Okay...Okay, good to hear. I was just...Worried for a little there.”

“Dirk, you could be a dog- Okay, no, you couldn’t be a dog. I wouldn’t ask a dog for sex while drunk.” he looks down as if concentrating, and holds onto his chin. “Hm…Dirk I need an analogy for this.”

“How do you expect me to provide an analogy? I don’t know exactly what you’re talking about.” you laugh a little, though it’s more of a giggle than a laugh. He seems to find it really cute that your giggles are fast, like a machine gun.

“Okay...Okay...And it’s not even an analogy what the fuck was I thinking?...Excuse my language.” there’s the polite Horuss you know. “Okay, you could have three boobs, a dick, and a vagina, and I would still love you.” he smiled, and then it faded. Yeah, that sounded kind of stupid. “What I’m saying is as long as you’re happy.”

That...Made you smile. Wide. A dorky smile that you don’t really like people seeing because it makes your cheeks round which in turn causes you to look more feminine. If anything, Horuss looked...A little relieved, to find out you had boobs. You don’t know why, but you could see it in his face. Just a minor detail in his eyes that said ‘thank god’.

Maybe it was the camera. Maybe it wasn’t. Who cared, really?

“Well, that’s good. Now back to my rock hard fucking abs!” you say, and stand up, showing him your well-defined six pack. You could see him smirk, seeing your muscles. He seemed to like them. “Now it’s your turn. You told me your family much likes the military. Surely your dad has you on some sort of training regimen to keep you fit.”

“He does, and it’s absolute hell.” he pulls off his shirt. Okay, his were more defined than yours were, and that made you a little jealous. “The results, are absolutely god-like.” he chuckled to himself.

“I wanna touch them.” you say, not really thinking.

He laughs pretty hard. “You’re gonna have to come over to do that, babe.”

“Alright...Alright maybe I will come over!”

“When?”

You think for a moment. You really didn’t know when you were going to visit him. “I...Don’t know.”

“Well then I guess you’re not touching these babies anytime soon.” he sits down and puts his shirt back on. “It’s a darn shame, too. I like it when people touch my muscles. And I’m sure you’d have a hell of a great time touching them.”

“Oh I’ll touch them. One day...One day.” you say, and then you look at the time. “Hey I gotta go run my mile. Talk to you in a little bit.” like ten minutes.

“Alright. See ‘ya.”  he says, and you end the call.

You go run your mile, and get home, continuing the conversation that you were having with Horuss that you were having before, except in instant messenger instead of a skype call, because it’s easier to flip between him, Roxy, and Jane that way. You can’t talk and type, now can you?

You explain to Roxy that he was understanding about how you were trans. She was really doubting that he would be understanding and she was sure Horuss would just dump him then and there. Hell no. He didn’t do that at all.

Jane was just happy to hear that he was understanding. Though Horuss got a little testy how you were taking more than a minute to reply to him while you were talking with Roxy and Jane.

 

HORUSS: Is that Jake boy awake?

YOU: No, I’m talking with my friends Roxy and Jane.

HORUSS: Oh, okay. I was afraid you were talking with him again.

YOU: Why? It’s no where near late night. I wouldn’t be talking to him at this hour. He’s asleep!

HORUSS: I was just making sure, because you know, people close to you can often turn you away at the worst times.

YOU: Yeah, but he’s been there for me all the time since I was ten.

HORUSS: That makes it even worse! He could turn his back on you any day now!

YOU: Somebody’s jealous.

HORUSS: I’m not jealous. Something could happen and he could change, is all I’m saying.

YOU: Right...Okay.

 

And the conversation just ended there, he just stopped replying. You don’t know why, but at least it gives you time to talk to Roxy and Jane more. You don’t hear from him until the next day. Strange.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

It’s been about a month since your date, and you two have been communicating sparsely. Exchanging a couple sentences an hour, every now and then you would spark up a good conversation with him about something random you found on the internet. But that was about all. It’s daybreak at the moment, and you’re on your computer wishing Jake good night, and saying good morning to Horuss. You send the message for whenever he gets online.

Just five minutes later he replies to you.

 

HORUSS: Good morning hun.

HORUSS: Sayu, are you busy todsay?

YOU: No, not at all. Why?

 

You assume the typos are because he’s just so tired. It’s early morning, what else could it be?

 

HORUSS: I was wonderling if you coiuld come overe and we coudl wastch as movie orsomethign.

YOU: Maybe after you wake up enough to type properly?

HORUSS: I hajd a rougdh night.

HORUSS: Wasn’t able to gert any sleep.

YOU: Maybe you should take a nap?

HORUSS: No, no. Jus tcome over I’’m fine.

YOU: Okay...I’ll be there in ten minutes.

HORUSS: Tahnks babe.

 

Well, you might as well go over to his house and watch a movie with him just so he can doze off. You’ll write a note, make something nice for him to wake up to, and maybe nap with him because Jake kept you up all night last night. You had...What, five hours of sleep? Though, considering it’s you. That’s a lot.

You don’t dress as fabulously nice as you did for your date (because a t-shirt and jeans is totally fancy). Instead you wear an oversized hoodie and some sweatpants. Though you still put on your binder, even if your chest goes almost unnoticeable in that hoodie. It gives you confidence, and you know exactly why. Though, it’s hard to explain.

You grab your keys, jump into your car, and head over to your boyfriend’s house because you know he’s probably going to start freaking out. You know what sleep deprivation does to you. And one night without sleep is certainly worse for someone who usually gets a full eight hours of sleep every night.

Something doesn’t really feel right as you drive over to his house, but you shrug it off, thinking maybe it’s your anxiety getting in the way of things. Silly mental issues, trying to ruin your day. You were going to cuddle the shit out of Horuss when you got there it wouldn’t even be funny.

When you arrive at his house, you park your car, and walk up to go knock on his door.You hit the door gently three times, and you hear nothing. You repeat again. Nothing. You know he’s home, why isn’t he answering? You knock again and by the time your fist goes to tap the wood one more time, the door swings open to reveal a very sleepy looking Horuss, his cheeks flushed with a light pink. It’s kind of adorable, actually.

“Aaaaayyyyyy Dirky.” you were going to say ‘Dirky’ was Roxy’s thing, but she doesn’t really call you that that much anyway. And simply anybody could add ‘y’ to the end of a name and make it a cute pet name.

“Hi, Horuss. Can I come in?”

“Fuck yeah you can fucking bitch!” that was harsh. You enter the house, and something you smelled faintly on Horuss before becomes much stronger. You smell alcohol. Booze. This probably wouldn’t end well for you, but you really had to get the poor guy to sleep, so you stay instead of run. This could well end up being the worst decision in your life. But you risk it. It was just the alcohol.

But just to make sure…”Horuss, are you drunk?” you ask. Really sensible thing to ask, too.

He has this creepy grin on his face, “Nnnnnope. Completely soberrr.” bullshit. First lie of the day, let’s see if he makes any more.

“So we were going to watch a movie, right?”

“Uh...Yeah, yeah, totally. Going to watch...A movie. Yeah.” he’s absolutely hammered.

“Which movie are we going to be watching?”

“Uhh...Aladdin.”

“Alright, do you want to snuggle while we watch it?” You’re not really worried. He’d promised you he wouldn’t hurt you.

“You know I wanna do a whole lot more than just snuggle, Doranne.” how the fuck did he get your birth name?

“Uhm, you mean, Dirk?”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I’d taken a look at your ID when we were on that date, I was fuckin’ skeptical that I was dating a fucking girl. Turns out I was this entire time!” and he seems to be happy about that. “Man I can be gay and straight and put on a show!”

“Horuss, you misunderstand. I’m solely male. Though I don’t have a wing wang.”

“Yeah yeah I get that but you can pass for a girl if the time every comes where it’s a dire emergency.”

“Why would there be an emergency that made me put on a dress?”

He stared blankly for a moment before shrugging, “I don’t know. Let’s just watch the fucking movie.” he drags you to the couch and nearly throws you down, putting on Aladdin. He's starting to make advances on you that make you, to be quite frank, very uncomfortable. You were holding hands, before, but his hand's moved from your hand to your inner thigh. He's moving it around, too, as if trying to start something. Then, he's leaning on you, pushing you down until you're laying down on the couch. You wanted to disregard things at first, but this...Is a little much.

"Horuss please get off me."

"Come on, are you scared?"

"Horuss I know what you want to do and I'm saying no. Get off me."

"Man, you would think someone as buff as you would have a little dignity in him to go ahead and say yes."

"Horuss I'm not having sex with you."

"Yes you are, because we both know you owe me for dragging me into a relationship with a girl. You know damn well I'm gay." he's pinning you down, hard. 

"I am a GUY!"

“Listen here you little shit you’re going to sit here and be a good girl for ‘ol daddy Horuss or you’re going to have one hell of a bad time.”

“You mean boy.”

“I said what I meant.” he’s really starting to scare you.

“Boy.” you correct him, and he squeezes your arm tightly.

“No, I mean girl.” he pushes you down into the couch, and he presses his arm against your chest. In this position, he’s much stronger than you. He was much stronger in the first place, but here you were basically trapped. There was no way to dodge anything because he was over you with his arm pressing roughly against your chest.

“I wasn’t saying what you meant, I was correcting your statement.” you try to keep cool as much as possible. If you freak out, it’ll only get worse, or, as you infer it will. You don’t move, and you keep contact.

He leans down close so that he’s right in your face. You try to move away from the stench of the alcohol on his breath but he brings it right back to you. “Let’s see if you change your mind after I turn you into my slut.”

He starts trying to pull your clothes off, and this is when you lose your cool. You kick and thrash around and somehow soon your pants are off, and his pants are off. “HORUSS, GET OFF ME!” you yell, and he doesn’t comply. You try to kick your leg into his gut but he dodges it just as fast as you sent it.

“Don’t worry baby girl everything’s going to be alright.” he hushed you. No, everything was not going to be alright. You kick and scream and he throws a punch at your face. You pause for a moment.

It takes you a couple seconds to understand what just happened, and then you continue to kick and scream until he uses his free hand to cover your mouth. You start scratching at his back and sides as hard as you possibly can to try to get him off of you. It doesn’t work.

Soon enough he’s ramming you hard enough to make you cry, and he’s spitting out mean words at you.

Slut, bitch, tranny, he-she, whore. Just to name a few. Every time he calls you a girl and you correct him he just slams harder and harder, skin slapping on skin increasing in volume.

You’re lucky as hell that you’d been taking enough supplements containing testosterone to make you stop ovulating. It took a while, but it happened. So there’s no pregnancy going on here. But everything now hurts like fuck.

You have bruises on your face from him punching you, but then you have bruises on your neck and shoulders from him kissing you. It was a horrible contrast between the two. At one point he’d removed his hand just to kiss you to silence as well. He’d bitten your lip hard enough to draw blood. So you were bleeding too.

In fact you think you’re bleeding out of your vagina because of how rough and fast he was about things. You don’t stick much down there at all ever and when you do it’s just small things like a finger or something. You don’t own any sex toys. That whole 'masturbation' thing feels good at first and then it decreases as you realize you're never not going to have a vagina, or at least a functioning dick.

He gets up and wipes sweat off his forehead, and leaves you trembling and crying. It was just early morning. What a wonderful way to start the day!

“So, babe, how’s that to change your mind?”

“I…” everything hurts. “I’m…” you can barely speak. “I’m going home.” but that’s not it. “I don’t ever want to talk to you again.” there we go.

“Are you sure about that?” he says, and lays on top of you, both his arms pressing against your chest. That pressure added to your binder makes it feel like you’re about to die, or maybe a rib is about to crack.

“Yes...I’m...Sure.” you’re trying to keep your breath, but you just have to release, and you do. It’s hard to take in any air when he’s on top of you like this.

Soon he’s moving his arms and his hands are around your neck, and you really can’t breathe. You start seeing spots bordering your vision. And they slowly become more and more prominent before everything finally goes dark.

You can feel all the pressure come off you right as you fall asleep. You don’t know what happens between then and when you wake up.

Though something gives you an idea as to what he did.

 

\--

 

You wake up a couple hours later in a very warm, dark room. You remember there was air conditioning when you got to Horuss’. There’s air conditioning at your house...Where are you?

Remembering what he’d done to you...You start to shake. You were still in his house. You kind of got that because where else would he stick you? There’s no air vent in this room, and you can feel cold air coming in from under the door, but that’s the most there is in there.

The floor is carpeted a greyish blue, and the walls are a rusty burgundy. This guy needed some advice on painting his walls, because it did not fit that blue-grey carpet at all. Your thoughts are interrupted by the jiggling of a doorknob. The door opens, revealing your boyfriend.

“Oh, Dirk, I was just coming in to check on you, I didn’t know you were awake, sorry.”

“Let me go home.” you say sternly, you were going to get out of here and never talk to him ever again. The only things stopping you from getting up then and there and pushing past him were fear and that horrible pain between your legs.

“Honey, I’m sorry for what I did. I was drunk.” his voice is soft, caring, but you hate him. “But, you left bad scratches on my back, so I think it’s fair trade.”

“You violated me!” you yell.

“Shhh...It’s okay. But, like I said, you really hurt me. My back is all scratched up and if I move a little some of the scratches might open.” you hurt him...He takes off his shirt and proves it to you. You scratched him up really bad.

“Horuss, I-.”

“I know, you’re sorry. But things like this can’t go without punishment, okay? You’re to stay in here by yourself until I come back and say you can go home. You car’s going to be nice and ready for you to leave, I’ll have things ready for you. Okay?”

You’re actually...Crying. You feel really bad. He wipes away a tear with his thumb before you nod your head. His hand leaves from cupping your face, and soon, he leaves, and the door is slowly shut.

You really hope he isn’t too made about the scratches, or that he’s going to be long. The door is locked. You kind of need to go to the bathroom.

 

\--

 

Three days. He’s not there. There is piss on the floor and shit in your pants and you’re sorry. The ammonia smell is filling your lungs and you’re apologetic. You’re hungry and you’re full of regret. You had to undo the velcro on your binder to give yourself breathing capacity when you started feeling tired the first day. It was still under your hoodie, though.

The door opens, and it’s none other than your wonderful boyfriend Horuss who you’re so sorry for hurting.

“Dirk, did you shit and piss all over my floor!?” he exclaims.

“You told me not to leave the room! At all! I had no choice!”

“Dirk I’m going to have to clean all this up after you leave, you know this right?”

“And I’m going to have to get shit stains out of my pants and get the pissy smell out of my binder and shirt!”

“I can’t throw a carpet into a washing machine, Dirk.”

“I can’t throw a binder into a washing machine, it’ll stretch out.”

“Dirk.”

“Horuss.”

You two are silent before he finally picks you up by the shirt collar and drags you out of the room, to the door. He hands you your keys. “Drive safe. Go home.” he says.

“...Alright.” you say. You put your shoes on, walk out the door, and drive home.

You’re gonna come back next week as long as he’s not typing completely in typos. You’re a man. You can handle this. You can get through this. You’re going to talk to him. Men are fearless, you know.  Horuss isn't afraid of anything, why should you? You're not about to be afraid of another human being. Not today. Not ever. No matter how much you don't want to go.

You're going to go.

 


	5. Chapter 5

One week later, everything is cleaned. Your mind is even cleansed. You’re feeling really happy today. You don’t even feel a slight twinge of dysphoria! Today was a great day! And you hear your computer ding, alerting you that Horuss has messaged you. You read the message with a smile on your face, but it slowly turns into a frown.

 

HORUSS: Hey, Dirk. I’m feeling really sick right now.  
HORUSS: Could you come over and bring me some ice cream? My throat hurts.

 

He should know better. Dairy products might make it worse!

 

YOU: No, but I can bring you some tea and honey, maybe lemon.

HORUSS: I prefer milk over tea.

YOU: I can add milk to the tea.

HORUSS: But the taste is still there.

YOU: It’s tea or nothing bro.

HORUSS: Fine, put milk in the tea, just come over. My whole body hurts.

YOU: I’ll be there in twenty minutes.

 

And you were going to keep to that statement. You grab the tea, honey, and lemon, and some milk, and jump into your car. You’d already had your binder on because you went to 7-11 to grab a doughnut an hour before. Man you loved doughnuts.

Once you’re there, you’re happy that you don’t smell a hint of alcohol. You set everything down on the counter and look around for Horuss, and you knock on what you assume is his bedroom door.

“Come in.” you hear a groan, and you enter, yeah he certainly looks sick. And sounds sick.

“Hey, just wanted to let you know I’m here. I’m going to make your tea now.” you say softly. He needs his rest, and you speak softly to resting people. Duh.

“Alright, go make tea.” he says, his voice is raspy. Yeah, his throat is pretty shot. The tea will make that better, you know that for a fact.

You go into the kitchen, and pull out all the stuff you brought. And honestly, you should’ve brought a kettle with you as well, seeing as Horuss doesn’t have one. Wow, doesn’t even have a kettle.

You make do by taking a pot and heat water up into it. Once it’s producing a fair amount of steam, you pour it into a cup, and brew the tea by simply leaving the tea bag in the cup. Once that’s done, you put in a good amount of sugar, seeing as Horuss doesn’t like tea all that much, and you pour the milk in. Soon, the tea is done, and you bring it to him in his room.

“Hey, Horuss, I made you the tea.” you say, slowly entering his room. He makes a noise and sits up.

“Time to see what this tea business is about.” he says, and takes the cup out of your hands. If he’s not had tea before and says he doesn’t like it you’re probably going to flip. He takes a sip, and makes a face. “It’s bitter. Like coffee. But it’s not coffee, it’s tea.”

“Yeah, you kind of have to get used to the taste to really start enjoying it, but don’t worry, this is going to help your throat very much, so drink up!...Take your time, though. Don’t want you upsetting your stomach.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” Horuss sets the tea on his bedside table, and lays fully in bed. To think someone like Horuss would get sick. And it wasn’t a hangover either. Crazy. You place your hand on his forehead, and he’s practically burning up.

“Hey, uh. Do you have a thermometer somewhere? Like the one you stick in your mouth?” not the ones that measure weather god damn.

“Yeah it should be somewhere in the medicine cabinet. I already checked, though. I’m one-hundred-three degrees smokin’ hot.” this makes you chuckle.

“You’re one hundred and three degrees sick is what you are.”

“Get that ‘and’ out of your sentence, mister!” he says in a joking tone, “That would mean one hundred point three ya shit.”

“Alright. You’re one-hundred-three degrees sick.”

“Much better.”

“Alright, well, I’m gonna clean up around the house a little. It’s a mess.”

“You do that, Dirk.”

You start by picking things up around his room, putting dirty laundry in the hamper, and organizing his shelves. Then you do the laundry, dust the living room, mop the kitchen, do the dishes. All that good stuff that needed cleaning. Soon, the house was about as clean as you think he’s probably ever going to see it. Being a perfectionist, and a control freak, you need everything in order. As it was right now.

Then you cook him dinner. Something simple, chicken noodle with carrot and celery bits in it because he needs his vegetables. “Man I’m a great fucking boyfriend” you think to yourself as you pour the soup into two bowls. You needed something to eat as well, after all.

You bring him is soup, and sit next to his bed. “Hey honey, I made dinner for you.” you say. You even made sure it was cool enough to eat by the time you brought it to him. You are a great boyfriend. The best boyfriend.

“I’m not hungry, though.”

“Nobody’s really hungry when they’re sick because your metabolism is the last thing your body worries about. You still need food, though, so eat up. I made something healthy.”

“And why are there two servings instead of one?” he asks, that’s a strange question to ask.

“Healthy people have to eat, too. I also didn’t want to leave you with half a carrot.”

“But I was going to use that carrot for something else.”

“That being?”

“I don’t know, but I fucking bought it so I was going to eat it at some point or cook it or some shit. What the fuck, Dirk?”

“I’ll buy you another carrot tomorrow. Hey, I’ll even buy you two carrots!” that seemed to get a chuckle out of him.

“Alright. Sorry, thanks for making me dinner.”

“Not a problem, babe.”

Once you both finished your respective bowls of soup, you leave the room to wash them and put them away. For the rest of the night you’re talking to Horuss trying to get him to go to sleep. It doesn’t end up going too well, he’s a stubborn one.

“Alright, it’s midnight. Your body needs to rest if you want to get better.”

“But I want to talk to you.”

“Babe, I’m getting tired. We can talk tomorrow, I promise.”

The conversation was basically that repeated over and over until he finally decided to close his eyes, and his words faded into mumbles. Soon, he was asleep, and you were too. You slept while leaning over his bed, your head on his stomach. You didn’t even bother to take off your binder, even if it’s a really bad thing that you shouldn’t do ever.

The next morning he seems to be feeling a whole lot better physically. He even woke up before you! You know this because you were on the floor when you woke up, and you could hear him walking around, muttering curses to himself and rummaging through things.

You stand up, met with a headache. Maybe you fell off the bed while you slept, and hit your head on the ground or something. Nothing too major, you hope. Either way, you’re up, and you’re gonna go find out what the hell Horuss is mumbling about. What could possibly go wrong!?

“Fucking housewife of a girl...boy...fuckfriend can’t even organize my shit correctly.” you hear him. Rude.

“Did I do something wrong?” you ask from behind him, and he jumps.

“Jesus christ Dirk! You scared the fucking shit out of me!” he yells, and then recomposes. “Yes, you did something wrong. I had everything organized perfectly, and you put them where they weren’t supposed to be!?” he moved everything that you’d cleaned up back in place.

“Horuss, it’s a mess. Worse than my apartment. I was trying to help you. See, your computer parts are put away in brand and date classifications.”

“I had them in what works the best.”

“But...That’s not…”

“Dirk I will do whatever I damn well please. You know damn well that a girl knows jack shit about robotics.”

“I’m not a girl!”

“Boobs. Vagina. I know you’re skinny but fuck me you have hips and a waist as well. Don’t lie to me.”

“I can be a man and still have female genitalia.”

“No you fucking can’t.”

“Horuss, you promised me you wouldn’t hurt me again. You had promised me you wouldn’t hit me, or call me names. You told me you wouldn’t do it again. I can’t live with you.” you drop that card on him. This was going to be it with you two. You were going to give him a second chance, but NOBODY says shit about your body. Nobody.

“You need keys to get out from either side of the door. Good luck getting out. I’m going to go grab my laptop and prove to you I didn’t promise that. Stay put if you know what’s good for you.”

You let out a growl, and glare at him as he leaves the room. The door outside is just next to you. You test the knob. It is indeed locked from the inside. You’re gonna have to think of a clever way out. Or just find the keys and get the hell out of there, but what’s the fun in that? The fun is getting away from an abusive asshole. That’s what the fun is. Soon, Horuss is back with his laptop, and skype is open.

“Okay, see right here? I promised I wouldn’t let you walk home alone again.”

 

The messages read as follows:

 

DIRK: You were harsh, and you made me walk home even though I didn’t know the directions. You knew I didn’t know the directions. You acted wrongly and I am upset.

YOU: Now come on, babe. I was drunk. I don’t think straight, alright? I don’t really remember what happened and if all that really did happen I’m sorry.

YOU: I promise I won’t do it again.

DIRK: You promise?

YOU: I swear on my heart.  
  


“I was harsh. Now, harsh having no definition, that’s left out as it’s arbitrary. Your harsh could be different from my harsh. The other part can be included because it’s something we can prove. I haven’t broken that promise, now have I?”

“I had you promise not to be mean to me!”

“That’s not what it says here.” he says, you can see the smile slowly stretching out his lips. They were a little chapped, slight red showing through the cracks of the lightish pink.

“What it says is not what I specifically meant. You know this.”  
“If I got a lawyer in here they would say the exact same thing I’m saying. So you need to go sit down on the couch, and watch some TV while I fix what you did wrong in here.”

“I never did anythi-” he cuts you off with his finger to your lips.

“Go watch some TV.” he says sternly, “While I fix what you did wrong. And while I fix what you did wrong, you’re going to behave like the good young man you are.” he spoke slowly, as if you were a child.

You give him props for using your pronouns, it was a slight upside to all this, but everything else could honestly be better. You begrudgingly move yourself towards the couch, and turn on the TV to My Little Pony. Something happy to lighten the mood. Something that Horuss liked as well.

The day went on. You cooked, he worked on a bot that he was working on. You forgot that you even had your binder on at one point because you’re so used to it after wearing it for so long, your body just stopped registering that there was anything there. Like when you put on a thin shirt and after a while it feels like you’re not even wearing a shirt. Not that people pay attention to how their shirt feels all the time. It’s just a feeling that some people get hopefully and hopefully you’re not alone in this.

Anyway, the day goes on, and you try not to do anything to set of Horuss’ bad side again because you’re apparently stuck here until he falls asleep. You think maybe you read this in a book once...How did the kid get out? Oh yeah that’s right a saw through the wall...Which you don’t have and even if you did you would probably have to pay lots of money to repair it since you cause the hole in the fucking wall. Oh if only this were a family game show.

Luckily, you hadn’t set off his bad side. You cooked everything properly, and when you weren’t cooking, you watch TV like you were told. Really anything to keep him from spitting harsh words at you or even possibly hitting you. You hate it when he does that.

You’ve already established to yourself that he is indeed an abusive asshole who’s probably not going to let you out anytime soon out of fear you might tell the police and possibly send him to jail. But really, who believes it when guys are being abused? Especially by guys. Certainly not the authorities. They’ll probably call it off as some sort of foul play between you two and let you be on your ways. They also won’t believe you were raped. Because OBVIOUSLY since you’re a young man you can fend for yourself. Or maybe they’ll look past transness and try you both as if you were a woman, things would get much worse seeing as the government hates women too.

Stupid government.

In the middle of your thinking, you don’t notice Horuss in front of you until he picks you up bridal-style, and takes you to his room. “You’re sleeping with me tonight.” he says, and your stomach falls. Though, you are pretty tired. What time is it? You look at the clock.

Two in the morning. That can’t be right. Horuss had you cook about an hour ago. And Horuss is a health freak. He wouldn’t be up this late. To each their own, you suppose. Then you remember somebody.

“Horuss, can I just message Jake goodnight real quick?” you ask, he was just about to throw you onto the bed when you’d asked.

“I thought I said I don’t want you talking to that boy.”

“All I’m going to say is ‘I got caught up at Horuss’ place, won’t be able to message you tomorrow. Goodnight.’ so that he doesn’t get so worried about me. Please, Horuss.”

“You treat this kid more like your boyfriend than you do me!”

You always did have a small crush on Jake. “No matter, just let me message him.” you look the man right in the eyes.

“Fine.” he says, and he sets you down on his bed, and leaves the room, coming back with his phone. “You have exactly two minutes to log into your skype, message him, and log out.” he stated, and you nod your head.

You log into skype as fast as it will physically let you, and you open up Jake’s contact immediately after it loads. You type in the message, and send it his way before logging out and handing him the phone with thirty seconds to spare. Okay it was really five but you’re saying thirty to sound cooler.

He takes the phone and checks that you did indeed log out, and he looks impressed with your speed. He sets the phone down and climbs into bed, laying next to you. He pulls the blanket over you both and pretty soon he’s holding you as close as he possibly can, which is making you quite uncomfortable, as was the weight of the blanket. Were there weights in the physical blanket itself? What the fuck?

Horuss is fast to fall asleep, and you hope he’s not a light sleeper, and you hope he’s not a restless one either because if he is either of those things you are royally fucked. It’s going to take a lot of shimmying to get out of this one most to your misfortune. He’s holding onto you pretty tight.

You start wiggling your way out of his sleepy grasp. And it’s pretty hard seeing as he’s much bigger than you are, and that is a problem. Lucky for you, his grasp isn’t as tight as it could be because he’s asleep. Though he’s still hugging you as if you were a teddy bear. It’s...Kind of cute, actually. You can see his nostrils very slightly open up every time he inhales and exhales. And his eyes look so soft, his skin is so warm.

Fuck, you’re getting off track. Back to wiggling your way out. Eventually, you’re free. Thank fuck. You start searching for the keys around the house, and luckily, they’re not exactly guarded. Heh, the guy thought he could keep you inside with extreme cuddles all night, huh? Well he would be damn wrong about that. So wrong. You are Dirk Strider and you are getting the fuck out of here.

You unlock the door, and rush to your car. Being the forgetful idiot you are, the door is unlocked. You look to where you usually keep your keys. They’re...Not there? Where did they go? You look frantically around your car and they’re nowhere to be seen!

Horuss emerges from the front door, holding a key ring containing three keys, a Rainbowdash figurine, and a fake computer chip. That’s your fucking keyring. How did he get it?

“Dirk, you really like causing trouble for yourself don’t you? A shame, really.” Horuss stated with a yawn at the end. He was visibly very tired. You stare at him, wide-eyed, he really has everything planned out doesn’t he?  
You remain silent, out of immense fear. He’s either going to touch you, hurt you, or both, and you can’t have that. You scramble out of your car and try to high-tail it out of there.

Unfortunately, he’s a lot faster than you as well. No matter how hard you try, his strides were longer than yours (Thanks to his long legs) and they went a lot faster as well. He grabbed the back of your shirt, nearly choking you in the process. And he dragged you back inside.

What happened after that, you really don’t want to talk about.


	6. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've come to a terrible realization

I have come to a terrible, haunting realization while thinking about this story these past few weeks. That is that subconsciously I've been writing this as a vent. To vent my own frustrations from an abusive relationship that I was in and am desperately trying to get away from right now. Luckily there's nothing sexual or physical, it's all emotional and verbal. But that doesn't stop it from being a terrible thing.

Because of this realization. And the fact that I and just barely grasping freedom from this toxic relationship of mine, I won't be continuing this story unless by some magic I'm feeling particularly malevolent and feel that I can write something of such nature.

I will upon request, however, post a summary of what was to happen from chapter 6 to 17. 17 being the last chapter that I'd had completed and planned out on my planning sheet. 17 also being the completion of the story.

I'm sorry for keeping you all waiting.

But I'm almost happy with where I am in life. Thank you.


End file.
